First Weigh-in Day

Today was the first time I weighed myself since December 31,2013. This is an incredible victory in itself as I have a tendency to weigh myself 3 times a day. A habit that I wished to put and end too.Soooooo... drum roll please...
I went from 176 to 171 in 31 days. That is an average of 1.25lbs per week. A healthy rate at which to loose fat. I was desperately hoping that with all my hard work that I most assuredly would have been losing 2 lbs per week I was totally and completely expecting to see "168" on the scale. I HATE that I am disappointed when I should be overjoyed!
Alas, that is what our society has developed in me, an unrealistic idea of weight loss. It's so easy to forget how long it took to put the weight on when I see all the fad diets that promise and usually deliver quick, albeit not efficient or permanent, weight loss.
I am really going to work at changing this mind set of mine. I really really really want to pass on to my daughters a healthy lifestyle example and body image. I want to hand them the truth so that when they are bombarded by the lies, they will have a weapon to wield.

My workout calendar

In my gym I've got this large white board to track my progress. I am quite proud of how it looks, hence the photo. You will note how all the day except for 7 were days that I worked out. 4 of the 7 were scheduled days off. 1 of the 7 was off due to being deathly ill, and 1 of the 7 was off due to excruciating back pain. The other 1 of 7 I am ashamed to admit was off due to a slight hangover. Oops!
There are to be 4 cheat days in the 28 days period. I believe I had 6. Not too bad, not too bad.
Over all I really am proud. At first I was upset by the stupid number on the scale but after I thought about how much better I feel and how much better my clothes fit I was able to let go of the number and embrace the truth of my situation. I am getting stronger and much much more toned.

Elliott helps mama get all her required water intake for the day :) Such a sweet and helpful girl.

Ginger beef over warm cabbage. Soooooooo good and sooooo healthy and satisfying!

My new favorite way to eat asparagus. Pan cooked in a bit of olive oil and real unsalted butter with a garlic clove. Sprinkled with salt and pepper and real parmesean cheese...delicious!

A Day of Rest

Today is a beautiful beautiful day of rest from my workout schedule. I am proud to say that my body needs it. I am sore. Sore sore sore. It's fabulous! To be sore from strength training is such a wonderful change from feeling sore from accident. It is sweet motivation to not give up.
You know what else is sweet motivation?
Having the very first person genuinely notice that you are shaping up.
My gramma told me today that I must be getting skinny because when she hugs me she can feel the difference. Picture the huge satisfied smile on my face and feeling of satisfaction in my heart! Especially knowing that I have worked HARD for that compliment. I am going to relish it.

I haven't weighed in yet as I promised myself I would avoid the scale until the first. I don't want to be a slave to the number. I want the feeling of strength.
 I am free.
I really like the changes that I am feeling and seeing when I look in the mirror anyway. Scale be dammed! I don't want to live a slave anymore!

 A few motivational quotes to leave you with...

A year from now you will wish you had started today.
(or month or week or whatever...how many months have gone by that I've said that to myself!)

I NEVER regret it when I DO, but I ALWAYS regret it when I don't.(the truth of this is painful)

30% training 70% diet +  Eating clean and training mean.(so much more attainable when you look at it this way) (Biggest changes I've made to my diet are avoiding eating after dinner and cutting down on{not cutting out} carbs. I also have one wicked cheat day a week that I can take whenever I want in order to schedule it around parties or dates.)

Day 16 update

I found this little tidbit on Pinterest.
Although Pinterest is begining to make me feel like I don't have a individuality bone in my body I do truly have a love affair with that website. Truly I do.
Anyhoo...
I like this saying. It's a really great reminder for me on this journey to health and wellness.
I like that is starts with me.
Jesse.
I'm the one who I am doing this for. I am the one who is feeling better about myself. I'm the one with more energy. I'm the one feeling physically and mentally stronger. It's my broken bones tissues and muscles that are mending. I'm the one who benefits from all my hard work.
Next is my family and friends. Really we could stop right there. I mean, they are everything to me. OF COURSE their opinions are valuable to me. And so OF COURSE their recognition for my hard work will be very uplifting. In fact, they give me wings!
And 3rd...
Well, I like to think that I've grown up and away a little from the 3rd.
Although if I am healthier and have more energy to give and make a difference in my world then I suppose this journey of mine really will matter for them too.

After just 16 days tho, I already am noticing some differences.
I definitely have more energy. I notice this big time. My house is cleaner, my kids are happier because mama has energy to play, the laundry gets washed AND put away even! Dinner is being cooked more often. I've even been dabbling again in some hobbies.
My jeans absolutely fit better. The muffin is shrinking and I can tell by the fit of my jeans.
When I walk up the stairs, there is a spring in my step. I feel like my legs are lifting me and I'm not just dragging myself up. This is a big one.
I am making conscience decisions about what I eat and drink instead of just binging.

 In the gym downstairs there is an unfortunate or perhaps fortunate placement of one of our big mirrors. It is placed directly beside the stationary bike. So when I ride, I see my gut and my cankles and my double chin. These are what I notice. Harsh I know, but true.
So this morning I glance at myself and do you know what I notice?
I noticed that my double chin is not so double. It's down to a quarter I'm sure of it! My gut is smaller and my cankles don't look so swollen.
I am so pleased.
I'm pretty excited to see what the end of 28 days looks like. And pretty motivated to start another 28.

I found this website. (You will never guess where.)
Since I mentioned in my last post how preparation really is key for me, I thought it was a good one to bookmark and remember. Enjoy!
http://greatist.com/health/high-protein-snacks-portable

New Years Resolutions???

I really am sharing this photo.
I really am.
This is a photo that was taken on December 5, 2013. Why you might ask was I trying to sausage myself into my wedding dress this past Christmas season?
The answer, it was for the 3rd annual ladies Christmas party where of course there is always a theme! We partied like it was 1980 at the first one. At the second we wore our pajamas( by far the most favorite by all ), and at the 3rd we were to wear wedding attire.
I got a little cocky when I waited until the night before the shindig to try on my dress. I thought to myself sure it won't look as good as my wedding day and sure I'll probably have boobie and armpit muffin top, but I'm sure it will fit.
Darling husband tried his darnedest but she just wain't ( a combo word between "wasn't" and "ain't") gonna zip up no matter how hard he tried.

 Now at this point I was beginning my journey to better health and wellness...in my head that is. With the Christmas season in front of me and copious amounts of red wine and baking to devour, I wasn't about the trick myself into starting my new years resolution early.
Just kidding.
I actually did attempt and fail not once, not twice, not even thrice...but 5 times in fact. 5 attempted life changes and 5 failed attempts.
Alas, here I am.
On New Years eve I got my butt in gear and prepared myself. Gave myself a mental pep talk. Made some solid plans. I even picked my program.
http://www.amazon.com/28-Day-Body-Shapeover-Brad-Schoenfeld/dp/0736060456

I've had this book sitting around for some time.
I actually did it once before my little beauties came along. When I opened it up this time and re-read  my notes they read 2009. That was the last time I did the program. Makes sense. That was the last year I was in shape. I incubated my sweet Elliott in 2010, got hit by a truck in 2011 and then incubated Emmi in 2012 and pretty much took 2013 to have surgery and let my poor body heal up a bit.
I think the timing is perfect. Since April 2013's surgery on my knee I am feeling so so so much better. I am feeling physically and mentally ready to take on a fitness challenge.
I want to feel strong again. I want to feel healthy. I want to be physically whole.

Preparation has been key in all of this. Not just in the mental preparation to get me to the starting point, but also the physical prep. Packing a lunch isn't just helpful, it is a must to eat every 2-3 hours. 3 being the maximum amount of time I can go between meals. I have learned through much painful trial and error that if I don't keep this schedule, I will binge.
It is as simple as that. And when I binge...I BINGE!

She is beautiful tho right? 2 cups of pure fat sour cream went into the making. Not to mention all the crushed candy canes and cream cheese that went into the butter cream icing!

Making better choices to do this...

...and this have also been important steps on this journey.

Look at those healthy healed up legs!

I am 10 days into 2014 and I have worked out 8 of them.
I have also ate clean and sensible for 9 of them. I am feeling so much better just in 10 days. I am so excited to see what I feel like after 28...and then 56...
But then that is getting ahead of myself. If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn on a daily sometimes hourly basis is that, I have to take one day at a time. I've heard that age old advice before but it wasn't until I actually let it sink into my heart that I've been able to give myself the grace to practice it. And succeed at it.

Found this on Pinterest. ( how I love you Pinterest!)
I am going to print it off and put it by my mirror so that I see it every morning. It always hurts to start but 10 minutes in I feel awesome and am always always ALWAYS glad I started.
I'm not going to be uncomfortable my whole life. I am however going to be happy healthy and blessed.

CHAOS!!!!!!

My head feels as though it may explode.
Seriously.
It is aching and everything seems so much LOUUUUUUUUDERRRRRRR...than it probably actually is.
At one point today I was trying to make an appointment on the phone and Emmi was following me around screaming at the top of her little loud lungs while Elliott followed me around talking nonfreakinstop about I'm not exactly sure because I was trying to make an appointment, as I said.
I was walking back and forth between the living room and the kitchen trying to hear what the lady on the other end of the phone was saying to me.
It was incredibly stressful.
Even now as I try and type my thoughts out in blog, Elliott is literally talking nonfreakinstop again. She is presently asking me where the man outside is going-where papa is working-can she has some beard-and mommy I don't have a blood.
What do these things even mean?
I try to listen to her and give her my attention. I want her to know that I value her and find her fascinating because I really do...but no matter how much I give, it's never enough...
they just keep demanding more and more and more of my attention!
By the end of most days I feel so drained and exhausted and empty. I have no energy for anything I'd like to do or even the things that I NEED to get done.
I sometimes wonder if these sort of things stress out other mothers or if I am somehow deficient.
I often feel deficient as a mother...and as a human being for that matter.

Today I started the laundry, started cleaning the kitchen, started taking some photos of items to list on a Baby Bling selling sight, started cleaning the living room started folding laundry started drinking a cup of coffee and started writing this blog...
I never finished  one of those freakin things!!! The house is a pig sty and there is unfolded laundry mounds in the laundry room and toys EVERYwhere!

I don't want to feel sorry for myself or complain that I have it bad or anything like that.
I just want more energy.
If motherhood is really this crazy then why doesn't it come with pills?
Like the kind of pills that give you crazy energy and guarantee to not let you down...ever.

Tomorrow is going to be better.
I have so much to be thankful for.
I am very thankful for my wonderful hubby who for the past 2 nights in a row has come home and let me hide away upstairs in our room. I'm thankful for my two healthy and hilarious adorable and lovely daughters whom I would die for. I'm thankful for this wonderful country I live in and for the family and friends that I share my life with.
I am thankful that I have been givin this life to live and that it truly is beautiful.

I am breathing in peace and breathing out stress. It's all going to be ok.
Emmi will get some teeth and stop screaming all day, this headache will go away and I'll get some energy.
Tomorrow is going to be better.

O Kiss Kiss tree, O kiss kiss treeeeeee...

I love these people!

The Christmas season is upon us. I love this time of year.
This evening we had Papa Mac and Gramma Awlis over to decorate the tree, play games and eat ourselves sick!
Elliott had a BLAST!
...and that was my goal :)

We tried

...and again we tried

Found this adorable game at Winners and though it would be perfect for the little ones this Christmas. Turns out it's good for the adults too :)

Gramma brought over treats for the girls. Besides copious amounts of unneeded sugar, she brought them a Christmas ornament. She has done this each year for Elliott and now for Emmi too. I love that they can have these special treats to take with them when, Heaven forbid, they marry and move out of mamas house :(

I

I am pretty disappointed with the camera on my Galaxy. I miss my Iphone camera. This one doesn't take good pictures whereas I got some amazing "framers" from my Iphone.

Anyways...
Here's 3 generations. I love my mama and I am so glad that my girls get her for a gramma. She is such a fun young gramma.

Papamac and his grandbabies

They also get this fun young Grandpa who is totally content with being bossed around by two tiny girls under 3 feet tall.

sweet moments to cherish

This years ornament from Gramma Awlis

Elliott loved decorating the tree. She sings "o kiss kiss tree, o kiss kiss tree" over and over again. Then she gets so excited that she has to either kiss the tree or an ornament or me. Or she'll say " I havto give you a hug mommy" because it's just so wonderful she can't contain herself!

My favorite thing about Christmas is all the time spent with family and friends. There is something so special about it. So much excitement in the air. So much love and kindness.

I have such wonderful memories of Christmas. I remember decorating the tree with my sister, cousin and mom. I remember the excitement with every decoration we unwrapped. I remember the nativity set that my great grandmother painted for my mom. Joseph, Mary and the baby Jesus. I remember the colorful lightup ceramic snowy house that sat on top of the tv glowing beautifully in the dark evenings. I remember the excitement on Christmas eve, us girls barely being able to fall asleep. We would lay on the floor and try to see or hear anything we possibly could by the inch opening under the door.
I remember Christmas morning treasure hunts to find our stockings. Mom planned these hunts so that her and dad could get an extra half hour of sleep I'm sure.
The rest of the day was spent enjoying gifts and great food and wonderful family. What a wonderful time of year to celebrate together.
Thank you Lord for making it all possible :)

Forgive me, for I have sinned. It's been 369 days since my last confession...

Today I took my lovelies to Superstore for some much needed groceries and fresh air. By fresh air, I simply mean air that is not the air from inside my house.
It was a gong show.
My big girl, who is usually a delight to go shopping with, or anywhere for that matter, was absolutely ridiculous. Magnified 100x by the fact that she is always such an angel during outings. My tiny baby was extremely grumpy and ready for  a nap.Like, throw her tiny head back and scream and flail grumpy. I misjudged the time for this outing and she needed to go down earlier than usual.
.
It was rough.
And once again I was reminded of the freedom I no longer have. The freedom to do all my grocery shopping or errand running in one outing. The freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. The freedom to think about what spices I needed to pick up without being interrupted by a screaming tiny baby and a rambunctious 3 year old. The freedom to actually remember all I needed to purchase. Even with a list these days I fail!
I left Superstore for the 3rd time without my prescription.
It hurts my head.

Now don't get me wrong...
I LOVE my littles and would'nt trade them for the world.
But oh how I miss having my thoughts all to myself.
Ever since I had E, my brain has been divided. My brain and my heart for that matter. I think about that girl pretty much 24/7. If I'm not thinking about something she needs or interacting with her personally, then I am just simply thinking of her fondly and getting high on that warm fuzzy feeling I get in my chest when it swells with all the pride and joy that comes from knowing E.
Multiply this by 2 since e came along. My brain and heart are now divided in three. My tiny baby holds a place solely created for her by our amazing God. Nobody could ever touch that place, it is all hers.

In other news...it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Digging out decor and baking with my E. I absolutely love this time of year. I love being with the people I love and having a whole season of excuses to party. I've started Christmas shopping and even wrapped a few.
Everything feels so much more cozy. It's beautiful outside and it makes me feel beautiful inside.
Even listened to some Bony M today. 
E calls it "kiss kiss" time. I am so excited for her this Christmas. The feelings of Christmas are heightened to new glorious levels when there is a child's delight.
The last few years have been a little less Christmasy then I would've liked(not that I don't have awesome family and friends to celebrate with).
We also are so blessed to have all of Ray's sibs and their children this year for Christmas. I am so excited...I feel giddy.

Today has been an incredible day. I found myself taking deep breaths and reminding myself to focus on the moment. It's hard when things seem crazy. Crazy kids, crazy pain, crazy crazy crazy...
But each day on this side of the dirt is a beautiful gift. I want to enjoy more and fret less.
There.
I already have my first new years resolution :)