Thursday, November 21, 2013

Forgive me, for I have sinned. It's been 369 days since my last confession...

Today I took my lovelies to Superstore for some much needed groceries and fresh air. By fresh air, I simply mean air that is not the air from inside my house.
It was a gong show.
My big girl, who is usually a delight to go shopping with, or anywhere for that matter, was absolutely ridiculous. Magnified 100x by the fact that she is always such an angel during outings. My tiny baby was extremely grumpy and ready for  a nap.Like, throw her tiny head back and scream and flail grumpy. I misjudged the time for this outing and she needed to go down earlier than usual.
It was rough.
And once again I was reminded of the freedom I no longer have. The freedom to do all my grocery shopping or errand running in one outing. The freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. The freedom to think about what spices I needed to pick up without being interrupted by a screaming tiny baby and a rambunctious 3 year old. The freedom to actually remember all I needed to purchase. Even with a list these days I fail!
I left Superstore for the 3rd time without my prescription.
It hurts my head.

Now don't get me wrong...
I LOVE my littles and would'nt trade them for the world.
But oh how I miss having my thoughts all to myself.
Ever since I had E, my brain has been divided. My brain and my heart for that matter. I think about that girl pretty much 24/7. If I'm not thinking about something she needs or interacting with her personally, then I am just simply thinking of her fondly and getting high on that warm fuzzy feeling I get in my chest when it swells with all the pride and joy that comes from knowing E.
Multiply this by 2 since e came along. My brain and heart are now divided in three. My tiny baby holds a place solely created for her by our amazing God. Nobody could ever touch that place, it is all hers.

In other's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Digging out decor and baking with my E. I absolutely love this time of year. I love being with the people I love and having a whole season of excuses to party. I've started Christmas shopping and even wrapped a few.
Everything feels so much more cozy. It's beautiful outside and it makes me feel beautiful inside.
Even listened to some Bony M today. 
E calls it "kiss kiss" time. I am so excited for her this Christmas. The feelings of Christmas are heightened to new glorious levels when there is a child's delight.
The last few years have been a little less Christmasy then I would've liked(not that I don't have awesome family and friends to celebrate with).
We also are so blessed to have all of Ray's sibs and their children this year for Christmas. I am so excited...I feel giddy.

Today has been an incredible day. I found myself taking deep breaths and reminding myself to focus on the moment. It's hard when things seem crazy. Crazy kids, crazy pain, crazy crazy crazy...
But each day on this side of the dirt is a beautiful gift. I want to enjoy more and fret less.
I already have my first new years resolution :)

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