My head feels as though it may explode.
Seriously.
It is aching and everything seems so much LOUUUUUUUUDERRRRRRR...than it probably actually is.
At one point today I was trying to make an appointment on the phone and Emmi was following me around screaming at the top of her little loud lungs while Elliott followed me around talking nonfreakinstop about I'm not exactly sure because I was trying to make an appointment, as I said.
I was walking back and forth between the living room and the kitchen trying to hear what the lady on the other end of the phone was saying to me.
It was incredibly stressful.
Even now as I try and type my thoughts out in blog, Elliott is literally talking nonfreakinstop again. She is presently asking me where the man outside is going-where papa is working-can she has some beard-and mommy I don't have a blood.
What do these things even mean?
I try to listen to her and give her my attention. I want her to know that I value her and find her fascinating because I really do...but no matter how much I give, it's never enough...
they just keep demanding more and more and more of my attention!
By the end of most days I feel so drained and exhausted and empty. I have no energy for anything I'd like to do or even the things that I NEED to get done.
I sometimes wonder if these sort of things stress out other mothers or if I am somehow deficient.
I often feel deficient as a mother...and as a human being for that matter.
Today I started the laundry, started cleaning the kitchen, started taking some photos of items to list on a Baby Bling selling sight, started cleaning the living room started folding laundry started drinking a cup of coffee and started writing this blog...
I never finished one of those freakin things!!! The house is a pig sty and there is unfolded laundry mounds in the laundry room and toys EVERYwhere!
I don't want to feel sorry for myself or complain that I have it bad or anything like that.
I just want more energy.
If motherhood is really this crazy then why doesn't it come with pills?
Like the kind of pills that give you crazy energy and guarantee to not let you down...ever.
Tomorrow is going to be better.
I have so much to be thankful for.
I am very thankful for my wonderful hubby who for the past 2 nights in a row has come home and let me hide away upstairs in our room. I'm thankful for my two healthy and hilarious adorable and lovely daughters whom I would die for. I'm thankful for this wonderful country I live in and for the family and friends that I share my life with.
I am thankful that I have been givin this life to live and that it truly is beautiful.
I am breathing in peace and breathing out stress. It's all going to be ok.
Emmi will get some teeth and stop screaming all day, this headache will go away and I'll get some energy.
Tomorrow is going to be better.
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Tomorrow will be better but today is totally normal. I only had one baby at a time, because M was already 5 when Linden came along, and I still had many, many of the days you just had!
ReplyDeleteAnd M has talked nonfreakinstop since I met her 8 and half years ago. so... I hear ya there. You'll learn to tune her out and just catch the key words. Start by listening mostly at the end. You'll catch enough to respond thoughtfully and over the years you'll hone your attention skills to catch what you need.
At this point, M only wants me to listen most of the time anyway, and maybe encourage her to think about what she's saying. She doesn't want me to give my opinion or make suggestions. Knowing that has made it easier to let her talk. So there's hope in your future!
When she's older you can ask her to hold her thought for later when you are able pay attention. And until she's old enough to hold her thought for later she won't notice that sometimes your not giving her your full attention. Just sometimes!
And on a day like today, it's ok to not give her your full attention. You'll have a little bit of energy left at the end of the day that way, at least mentally. Hopefully. Sometimes. :)